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Midlanders organize purity ball
The event is meant to emphasize importance of father-daughter relationships in teaching girls values.
by Kathleen Thurber
Midland Reporter-Telegram
Rebecca Knighton has never had a boyfriend.
Not that several boys haven't asked, her father Terry Knighton said. But, because Rebecca doesn't want to waste time in relationships she knows don't have a future. She's committed herself to sexual purity and with that, a lifestyle she works to make pleasing to God, which for her includes not dating just for the sake of dating.
While it may take more than one boyfriend to meet the one God has planned for her, she said, it's something she and her family have prayed about since she was young and a relationship she thinks will come from friendship.
"I just love the feeling of waiting for my future husband," said Knighton, a Lee High School senior. "To me I've always thought about it being like a wedding gift that no money can ever buy."
Values like these, which Knighton says she's grown up with and always wanted to ascribe to, are what Midland's inaugural Purity Ball, being held in March, are meant to reinforce.
The event, which the Knightons and several other area families are preparing to participate in, is a night for fathers and daughters to make a commitment to pure thoughts, words and actions. It also includes a commitment from both to a relationship where they can talk openly about such issues and one where fathers agree to offer guidance their daughters will look to for direction.
"It's not just a big party. If it was, I wouldn't be here," said Dr. Steven Brown, at an informational meeting about the ball. "It's also not the final answer to purity. It's a catalyst."
The movement
The first purity ball was organized in Colorado Springs, Colo. 10 years ago when Randy and Lisa Wilson's oldest daughters were entering their adolescent years, according to their ministry's Web site. They wanted something more than an abstinence pledge and saw the event as a way to emphasize the importance of the father-daughter relationship in preserving purity. Aside from formal evening wear, dancing and a multi-course dinner, their event includes a verbal commitment by fathers to protect their daughter and her choices. The daughters make a silent vow by laying a rose on a large wooden cross that's placed on a ballroom floor of the city's five-star hotel.
Since its inception, purity balls have spread to 48 states, with requests for information from 17 countries, according to their Web site.
Each ball takes its own shape, and those organizing Midland's event make it clear theirs will be unique, as well.
"It's a purity ball, but that doesn't mean it's for pure people," said David Arrington, who is part of the organization team. "It's for all of God's children."
The event, he said, is meant to help fathers and daughters look forward to where they're going, not to worry about what they've done in the past. It's different from abstinence pledges that became popular in the 1990s, organizers said, because it's about a process, not just an event. The families participating are encouraged to read a book that talks about purity together and many of the fathers and daughters will take ballroom dancing lessons as a start or continuation of making spending time together a part of their routine.
It will be open to seventh- through 12th-graders and their fathers, grandfathers, uncles or other male role model who might be present instead of their father. The minimum age, which isn't a component of many other balls, was set because sexual purity is a component to the conversations and is something they want the girls to have the capacity to understand.
Does it work?
Currently there is no data on the effectiveness of purity balls. And while different from traditional abstinence pledges, studies show teens who promise to wait for the altar don't always keep that commitment and are more likely to participate in other high-risk sexual behaviors than their peers even while technically maintaining their virginity.
A 2005 study of 12,000 students by researchers at Yale and Columbia universities revealed teens who pledge abstinence preserve their virginity about 18 months longer than those who didn't pledge. They are also six times more likely to engage in oral sex than non-pledgers.
Another study conducted by the University of Northern Kentucky in 2003 showed that while pledging teens waited longer, about 61 percent did not wait for marriage. Both studies found when those who'd pledged did have sex they were less likely to use a condom, as many see such a step as proof the act was premeditated.
The difference comes from not relying on a one-time pledge to cement the deal, said Dr. Clay Wooten, a father of four daughters who is participating in the ball with his youngest, 13-year-old Kori. The issue, he says, is one they've talked about constantly and is reinforced with relationships with their kids and the young people they're dating. The conversations, his wife Barbie said, are not always easy or fun, but are part of parenting and setting a Godly example for kids to follow through their own relationship.
Spending time and having conversations, said Carla Holeva, vice president for community affairs at Planned Parenthood of West Texas, is a great asset.
However, she said, they wish movements like pledges or purity balls would be accompanied by comprehensive education about the body, birth control and the consequences of not having safe sex.
"Texas leads the nation in teen births," she said. "Telling them to say no doesn't always work."
Even if a teen does wait for his or her spouse, she said, it's not wasted information as everyone should still know about their own body.
"What a disservice we're doing by not completely educating them," Holeva said.
Purity defined
Brown agreed children should be fully educated and said he teaches his daughters about birth control in conjunction with lessons on purity. But, he added, moving away from abstinence education because adults assume kids can't control themselves creates a disconnect.
Once those teens enter marriage, religious and non-religious alike expect them to remain faithful in that relationship, which is inconsistent with the reasoning that they didn't have any self-control in their sexuality before they were married.
True purity, Brown said, is not simply about staying on the right side of some physical boundary. Instead, it's having a relationship with God and others that provides reasoning to keep a commitment.
Terry Knighton agreed and said the message has worked with his daughter because she's made it a lifestyle.
"She knows that when God appoints the right young man that it will be God's timing on that so she's not willing to settle for whoever comes along," he said. Plus, he said, she makes careful choices about who her friends are in general and doesn't watch movies or listen to music that promote promiscuity.
Watching other teens date and otherwise live differently, she said, is tough. But it's not something she can't deal with.
Whether purity includes dating or a more intentional and involved process of courtship varies greatly between families.
Wooten said his oldest daughter has been in the "dating world" for several years, which they have no problem with as long as they can get to know the young men she sees.
For others, it's about setting priorities which Brown said simply means letting dating be a component to single life, but not being such a big deal that teens miss out on everything else.
"Our single years are supposed to be devoted to things other than acting like we're married," he said.
For boys, both agreed, the message is equally important and that just because they haven't figured out the male equivalent to a purity ball yet doesn't mean they're not imparting the same messages to boys.
Promises
The emphasis on purity, critics say, is great when it works. But, can create intense shame and severed relationships for those who don't meet the set standards.
A young woman who participated in one of the first purity balls in Colorado has spoken out recently after she became pregnant as a teen. Several years later, she says, she and her parents still have little to no relationship because of the incident. Without pregnancy, studies show, most teens will simply not tell their parents or ask for advice about sex for fear of the reaction.
Kori Wooten, though, said she likely would talk to her parents about sex if she needed to, though the family agreed guessing about such circumstances now is tough.
The responsibility for both parents and children is an uphill climb, Wooten said, and he's made sure all his daughters know he's not perfect and doesn't expect them to be either. If they didn't wait to be married for sex, he said, it would be disappointing, but not the end. We're all imperfectly human, he said.
"I know... hope my children don't believe or think that I'm perfect," he said. "I know I mess up all the time."
Though the ball will include frilly dresses, suits and an evening of dancing with dad they hope will rival scenes from the girls' favorite fairy tales, those few hours aren't the point. They're meant to be the start or reinforcement of conversations about purity they hope will become a new social norm that reaches across all socio-economic groups.
"No doubt it won't be a solution," Wooten said. "It's just one more piece of encouragement."
Kathleen Thurber can be reached at kthurber@mrt.com.
For More information about Midland's Purity Ball, visit: www.midlandpurityball.com.
The Reporter-Telegram will be catching up with the Wootens and Knightons throughout their preparation for the March Purity Ball. Check mywesttexas.com for updates as the pairs attempt to dance without crushing one another's feet and discuss purity as they read through books that will bring up issues most parents and teens would rather avoid when in the same room.
Not that several boys haven't asked, her father Terry Knighton said. But, because Rebecca doesn't want to waste time in relationships she knows don't have a future. She's committed herself to sexual purity and with that, a lifestyle she works to make pleasing to God, which for her includes not dating just for the sake of dating.
While it may take more than one boyfriend to meet the one God has planned for her, she said, it's something she and her family have prayed about since she was young and a relationship she thinks will come from friendship.
"I just love the feeling of waiting for my future husband," said Knighton, a Lee High School senior. "To me I've always thought about it being like a wedding gift that no money can ever buy."
Values like these, which Knighton says she's grown up with and always wanted to ascribe to, are what Midland's inaugural Purity Ball, being held in March, are meant to reinforce.
The event, which the Knightons and several other area families are preparing to participate in, is a night for fathers and daughters to make a commitment to pure thoughts, words and actions. It also includes a commitment from both to a relationship where they can talk openly about such issues and one where fathers agree to offer guidance their daughters will look to for direction.
"It's not just a big party. If it was, I wouldn't be here," said Dr. Steven Brown, at an informational meeting about the ball. "It's also not the final answer to purity. It's a catalyst."
The movement
The first purity ball was organized in Colorado Springs, Colo. 10 years ago when Randy and Lisa Wilson's oldest daughters were entering their adolescent years, according to their ministry's Web site. They wanted something more than an abstinence pledge and saw the event as a way to emphasize the importance of the father-daughter relationship in preserving purity. Aside from formal evening wear, dancing and a multi-course dinner, their event includes a verbal commitment by fathers to protect their daughter and her choices. The daughters make a silent vow by laying a rose on a large wooden cross that's placed on a ballroom floor of the city's five-star hotel.
Since its inception, purity balls have spread to 48 states, with requests for information from 17 countries, according to their Web site.
Each ball takes its own shape, and those organizing Midland's event make it clear theirs will be unique, as well.
"It's a purity ball, but that doesn't mean it's for pure people," said David Arrington, who is part of the organization team. "It's for all of God's children."
The event, he said, is meant to help fathers and daughters look forward to where they're going, not to worry about what they've done in the past. It's different from abstinence pledges that became popular in the 1990s, organizers said, because it's about a process, not just an event. The families participating are encouraged to read a book that talks about purity together and many of the fathers and daughters will take ballroom dancing lessons as a start or continuation of making spending time together a part of their routine.
It will be open to seventh- through 12th-graders and their fathers, grandfathers, uncles or other male role model who might be present instead of their father. The minimum age, which isn't a component of many other balls, was set because sexual purity is a component to the conversations and is something they want the girls to have the capacity to understand.
Does it work?
Currently there is no data on the effectiveness of purity balls. And while different from traditional abstinence pledges, studies show teens who promise to wait for the altar don't always keep that commitment and are more likely to participate in other high-risk sexual behaviors than their peers even while technically maintaining their virginity.
A 2005 study of 12,000 students by researchers at Yale and Columbia universities revealed teens who pledge abstinence preserve their virginity about 18 months longer than those who didn't pledge. They are also six times more likely to engage in oral sex than non-pledgers.
Another study conducted by the University of Northern Kentucky in 2003 showed that while pledging teens waited longer, about 61 percent did not wait for marriage. Both studies found when those who'd pledged did have sex they were less likely to use a condom, as many see such a step as proof the act was premeditated.
The difference comes from not relying on a one-time pledge to cement the deal, said Dr. Clay Wooten, a father of four daughters who is participating in the ball with his youngest, 13-year-old Kori. The issue, he says, is one they've talked about constantly and is reinforced with relationships with their kids and the young people they're dating. The conversations, his wife Barbie said, are not always easy or fun, but are part of parenting and setting a Godly example for kids to follow through their own relationship.
Spending time and having conversations, said Carla Holeva, vice president for community affairs at Planned Parenthood of West Texas, is a great asset.
However, she said, they wish movements like pledges or purity balls would be accompanied by comprehensive education about the body, birth control and the consequences of not having safe sex.
"Texas leads the nation in teen births," she said. "Telling them to say no doesn't always work."
Even if a teen does wait for his or her spouse, she said, it's not wasted information as everyone should still know about their own body.
"What a disservice we're doing by not completely educating them," Holeva said.
Purity defined
Brown agreed children should be fully educated and said he teaches his daughters about birth control in conjunction with lessons on purity. But, he added, moving away from abstinence education because adults assume kids can't control themselves creates a disconnect.
Once those teens enter marriage, religious and non-religious alike expect them to remain faithful in that relationship, which is inconsistent with the reasoning that they didn't have any self-control in their sexuality before they were married.
True purity, Brown said, is not simply about staying on the right side of some physical boundary. Instead, it's having a relationship with God and others that provides reasoning to keep a commitment.
Terry Knighton agreed and said the message has worked with his daughter because she's made it a lifestyle.
"She knows that when God appoints the right young man that it will be God's timing on that so she's not willing to settle for whoever comes along," he said. Plus, he said, she makes careful choices about who her friends are in general and doesn't watch movies or listen to music that promote promiscuity.
Watching other teens date and otherwise live differently, she said, is tough. But it's not something she can't deal with.
Whether purity includes dating or a more intentional and involved process of courtship varies greatly between families.
Wooten said his oldest daughter has been in the "dating world" for several years, which they have no problem with as long as they can get to know the young men she sees.
For others, it's about setting priorities which Brown said simply means letting dating be a component to single life, but not being such a big deal that teens miss out on everything else.
"Our single years are supposed to be devoted to things other than acting like we're married," he said.
For boys, both agreed, the message is equally important and that just because they haven't figured out the male equivalent to a purity ball yet doesn't mean they're not imparting the same messages to boys.
Promises
The emphasis on purity, critics say, is great when it works. But, can create intense shame and severed relationships for those who don't meet the set standards.
A young woman who participated in one of the first purity balls in Colorado has spoken out recently after she became pregnant as a teen. Several years later, she says, she and her parents still have little to no relationship because of the incident. Without pregnancy, studies show, most teens will simply not tell their parents or ask for advice about sex for fear of the reaction.
Kori Wooten, though, said she likely would talk to her parents about sex if she needed to, though the family agreed guessing about such circumstances now is tough.
The responsibility for both parents and children is an uphill climb, Wooten said, and he's made sure all his daughters know he's not perfect and doesn't expect them to be either. If they didn't wait to be married for sex, he said, it would be disappointing, but not the end. We're all imperfectly human, he said.
"I know... hope my children don't believe or think that I'm perfect," he said. "I know I mess up all the time."
Though the ball will include frilly dresses, suits and an evening of dancing with dad they hope will rival scenes from the girls' favorite fairy tales, those few hours aren't the point. They're meant to be the start or reinforcement of conversations about purity they hope will become a new social norm that reaches across all socio-economic groups.
"No doubt it won't be a solution," Wooten said. "It's just one more piece of encouragement."
Kathleen Thurber can be reached at kthurber@mrt.com.
For More information about Midland's Purity Ball, visit: www.midlandpurityball.com.
The Reporter-Telegram will be catching up with the Wootens and Knightons throughout their preparation for the March Purity Ball. Check mywesttexas.com for updates as the pairs attempt to dance without crushing one another's feet and discuss purity as they read through books that will bring up issues most parents and teens would rather avoid when in the same room.
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Reader Comments
The following are comments from the readers. In no way do they represent the view of mywesttexas.com.
Yes wrote on Dec 28, 2008 3:26 PM:
" Pagans did inspire the themes for the major Christian holidays.
Also mentioning the event in the plural form is hilarious! "
Also mentioning the event in the plural form is hilarious! "
ok wrote on Dec 29, 2008 1:38 PM:
" Many people these days do not understand that the news is suppose to remain unbiased. By interviewing PP, the reporter was presenting both sides of the story rather than withholinding information and presenting one side of the story in a better light.
Thanks to Ms. Thurber for interviewing Ms. Holeva. It's a rarity in West Texas to see balance! "
Thanks to Ms. Thurber for interviewing Ms. Holeva. It's a rarity in West Texas to see balance! "
just lil ole me wrote on Dec 29, 2008 3:36 PM:
" " Many people these days do not understand that the news is suppose to remain unbiased. By interviewing PP, the reporter was presenting both sides of the story rather than withholinding information and presenting one side of the story in a better light.
Thanks to Ms. Thurber for interviewing Ms. Holeva. It's a rarity in West Texas to see balance! "
It is funny how liberals want it all fair and such when it comes to conservative news coverage, but the liberal media is allowed to say whatever that want without offering the opposing viewpoints.
I don't believe that this piece required any opinions to be voiced, it was simply an article about an event...not an op-ed piece. You would not expect an article about a secular rock concert to include opinions from the local priest about how bad rock and roll is. "
Thanks to Ms. Thurber for interviewing Ms. Holeva. It's a rarity in West Texas to see balance! "
It is funny how liberals want it all fair and such when it comes to conservative news coverage, but the liberal media is allowed to say whatever that want without offering the opposing viewpoints.
I don't believe that this piece required any opinions to be voiced, it was simply an article about an event...not an op-ed piece. You would not expect an article about a secular rock concert to include opinions from the local priest about how bad rock and roll is. "
bfunk wrote on Jan 1, 2009 9:06 AM:
" I feel sorry for these girls. This purity ball culture is so obsessed with sex. These girls are going to be thinking about it every time they see a boy, and are going to be super disappointed when they actually have sex because of the this building up of it. Waiting until your married is fine, but this sort of thing is creepy with daughters vowing celibacy to their fathers who are supposed to act as knights for their chastity. Vow celibacy to yourself! Your body does not belong to your daddy! It all just seems weirdly sexual and intense to me. "
mece wrote on Jan 1, 2009 2:10 PM:
" there's NOTHING WRONG with waiting...
yes it can be tough @ times but there's nothing wrong with honoring GOD & making the RIGHT CHOICES... & not "SETTLING" 4 just ANYTHING... It's not worth losing your PEACE OF MIND "
yes it can be tough @ times but there's nothing wrong with honoring GOD & making the RIGHT CHOICES... & not "SETTLING" 4 just ANYTHING... It's not worth losing your PEACE OF MIND "
mece wrote on Jan 1, 2009 2:40 PM:
" did i mention how "HARD" it is not to give in to PEER PRESSURE especially if ALL of your friends are doing it & looking @ you like you're CRAZY for not doing it too. Not to mention the MUSIC VIDEOS, SEX! turn on the T.V. & Bam! More Sex! turn on the radio and Bam! Bam! more SEX! But just remember, people wll MOCK & RIDICULE what they DON'T understand or don't believe in so just stay STRONG & keep doin what u r doin, God will let u know when it's time. "
been there wrote on Jan 1, 2009 7:08 PM:
" I as a teen, I absolutely believed in waiting for marriage. And I didn't do anything with anyone that was impure. I waited for the man I supposed God wanted for me. He showed up wanting marriage first too, and we married. There was no chemistry between us, but there was disppointment and resentment over the whole sexual thing. We never could resolve it. We're not married anymore. I didn't understand chemistry was important...I had not educated myself, except on saving myself for purity. Now I have teenagers. I want them to make wise choices, and I want them to be educated.
Most important to me is being educated, we can only choose as well as we understand. "
Most important to me is being educated, we can only choose as well as we understand. "
GODS WAY wrote on Jan 1, 2009 11:13 PM:
" GOD'S WORD NEVER FAILS US, YET WE FAIL HIM ALL THE TIME.
HEY PEOPLE, LETS TRY TO MAKE HIM PROUD OF US BY NOT FAILING HIM THIS TIME. PURITY FROM ALL SEXUAL CONTACT BEFORE MARRIAGE SHOULD BE THE STANDRD. INSTEAD, STAY COMMITTED TO GOD AND HE WILL DIRECT YOUR PATH. WHEN YOU DO FIND THAT RIGHT PERSON AND GET MARRIED, HE WILL BE IN THE MIDST OF THAT RELATIONSHIP AS WELL. HENCE YOU WILL BE PASSING BLESSINGS AND NOT CURSES ONTO THE NEXT GENERATION. "
HEY PEOPLE, LETS TRY TO MAKE HIM PROUD OF US BY NOT FAILING HIM THIS TIME. PURITY FROM ALL SEXUAL CONTACT BEFORE MARRIAGE SHOULD BE THE STANDRD. INSTEAD, STAY COMMITTED TO GOD AND HE WILL DIRECT YOUR PATH. WHEN YOU DO FIND THAT RIGHT PERSON AND GET MARRIED, HE WILL BE IN THE MIDST OF THAT RELATIONSHIP AS WELL. HENCE YOU WILL BE PASSING BLESSINGS AND NOT CURSES ONTO THE NEXT GENERATION. "
RDee wrote on Jan 2, 2009 5:10 AM:
" Rebeccas father says that she doesn't want to waste time in relationships she knows don't have a future. She's committed herself to sexual purity and with that, a lifestyle she works to make pleasing to God, which for her includes not dating just for the sake of dating. Its nice to know that her dad has such a firm grip on Rebeccas life.
Fortunately dads there to filter out the riff-raff for her. God forbid she learns about what she wants in a relationship by actually making choices on her own then deciding for herself who shell accept as friends, particularly the ones with penises. Rest assured that dad will lurking nearby to keep her on the straight and narrow path hes chosen for her.
Rebecca is apparently committed to a lifestyle she works to make pleasing her God. The phrasing is odd but the message is clear enough. Dad wants her to be subservient to the God he chose for her to worship. Above all else she should dedicate her life to pleasing that God. Why? Is God going to be displeased with her if she exercises the ability to choose that God gave to her in the first place? A bit ironic, isnt it?
Apparently Rebeccas father had her praying about things like sexual purity and adult relationships since she was young. How young? A young girls prayers should be uncluttered and age appropriate? Not to mention devoid of references to sexual purity?
I wonder why theres no equivalent to purity balls for sons. Maybe its the wording. Then again, sons are trustworthy because theyre males and, you know, guys just naturally understand and trust each other. Why subject sons to the same scrutiny and limitations that daughters must endure, right? Thats one of those things about Christianity. In all its flavors Christianity is patriarchal by design. Men rule the roost and make all the laws especially when it comes to the female of the species. Sexism and double standards are the norm, not the exception. Had Rebecca been male then none of this would have been necessary.
Ive read and heard too many stories like this. Raising a daughter to trust and confide in her father doesnt require purity balls or vows or verbal assurances. Being a responsive parent should come naturally without special agreements or contrived religious ceremonies. There is something disconcerting about a father obsessing over his daughters sexual intentions to the extent that Rebeccas father does. There are moral and ethical limits regarding how much interest a father should take in a daughters sexual activities and choices. A father should instinctively know those limits. It appears that Rebecca's father has adjusted his limits using his religious beliefs as justification. Let's hope he doesn't decide that shes somehow failed to fulfill the artificial vows. She may be subjected to the same cruelty and injustice suffered by the woman in Colorado. "
Fortunately dads there to filter out the riff-raff for her. God forbid she learns about what she wants in a relationship by actually making choices on her own then deciding for herself who shell accept as friends, particularly the ones with penises. Rest assured that dad will lurking nearby to keep her on the straight and narrow path hes chosen for her.
Rebecca is apparently committed to a lifestyle she works to make pleasing her God. The phrasing is odd but the message is clear enough. Dad wants her to be subservient to the God he chose for her to worship. Above all else she should dedicate her life to pleasing that God. Why? Is God going to be displeased with her if she exercises the ability to choose that God gave to her in the first place? A bit ironic, isnt it?
Apparently Rebeccas father had her praying about things like sexual purity and adult relationships since she was young. How young? A young girls prayers should be uncluttered and age appropriate? Not to mention devoid of references to sexual purity?
I wonder why theres no equivalent to purity balls for sons. Maybe its the wording. Then again, sons are trustworthy because theyre males and, you know, guys just naturally understand and trust each other. Why subject sons to the same scrutiny and limitations that daughters must endure, right? Thats one of those things about Christianity. In all its flavors Christianity is patriarchal by design. Men rule the roost and make all the laws especially when it comes to the female of the species. Sexism and double standards are the norm, not the exception. Had Rebecca been male then none of this would have been necessary.
Ive read and heard too many stories like this. Raising a daughter to trust and confide in her father doesnt require purity balls or vows or verbal assurances. Being a responsive parent should come naturally without special agreements or contrived religious ceremonies. There is something disconcerting about a father obsessing over his daughters sexual intentions to the extent that Rebeccas father does. There are moral and ethical limits regarding how much interest a father should take in a daughters sexual activities and choices. A father should instinctively know those limits. It appears that Rebecca's father has adjusted his limits using his religious beliefs as justification. Let's hope he doesn't decide that shes somehow failed to fulfill the artificial vows. She may be subjected to the same cruelty and injustice suffered by the woman in Colorado. "
RDee wrote on Jan 2, 2009 4:30 PM:
" I just read the last couple of posts from mece. Its admirable that he/she is so intent on waiting. But make no mistake mece, God isnt going to provide any direct answers. Those have to come from within. Mece uses the phrase PEACE OF MIND in the comments. Judging by the all the words in caps in the posts (internet etiquette for SHOUTING!) Id say mece is not experiencing much peace of mind. Perhaps the wait for God to make meces life better is taking too long.
The entity that some humans perceive as God is quite the jokester. God has made it possible for us to be any and all things all the time. God gave us the ability to ultimately make our own choices whether God is involved or not. Thats called free will. If answers to everything could only come from God why would God give us the ability to act independently, outside Gods direct influence? When all else fails God has made you capable of making life what you want it to be. No one else, God nor father, can or should control you or your life. Rebeccas father, for example, thinks he can control her life but he cant. Rebecca just has to figure that out on her own and refuse to let her father continue to invade her private matters or control who she can be with and what decisions she can make.
You hate the peer pressure? Get rid of it. You already know how. The rub is that to do so will require a fortification of your emotional shell and bolstering of your self perception. Your circle of friends may shrink but theyre not really friends if all they create is grief and stress. Humans require companionship and prefer the group over isolation. So take charge of who you want to include in your group. Then you can start using more lower case words in your posts.
As for the sex, sex, sex youre finding on television, music videos and radio. All these things have an on/off switch. Use it. Or, better yet, take control of what you watch and hear. No one is forcing you to listen to what you believe is trash. Thats a problem youre creating for yourself and that only you can control. "
The entity that some humans perceive as God is quite the jokester. God has made it possible for us to be any and all things all the time. God gave us the ability to ultimately make our own choices whether God is involved or not. Thats called free will. If answers to everything could only come from God why would God give us the ability to act independently, outside Gods direct influence? When all else fails God has made you capable of making life what you want it to be. No one else, God nor father, can or should control you or your life. Rebeccas father, for example, thinks he can control her life but he cant. Rebecca just has to figure that out on her own and refuse to let her father continue to invade her private matters or control who she can be with and what decisions she can make.
You hate the peer pressure? Get rid of it. You already know how. The rub is that to do so will require a fortification of your emotional shell and bolstering of your self perception. Your circle of friends may shrink but theyre not really friends if all they create is grief and stress. Humans require companionship and prefer the group over isolation. So take charge of who you want to include in your group. Then you can start using more lower case words in your posts.
As for the sex, sex, sex youre finding on television, music videos and radio. All these things have an on/off switch. Use it. Or, better yet, take control of what you watch and hear. No one is forcing you to listen to what you believe is trash. Thats a problem youre creating for yourself and that only you can control. "
RDee wrote on Jan 2, 2009 6:48 PM:
" Holy Moley! Is there enough guilt and self loathing here? The whole post is shouting at us. I wonder who GODS WAY is going to blame when something goes awry? What if God directs GODS WAY to someone who is completely wrong for him or her? Who will GODS WAY blame for that? Blind capitulation and obedience to the perceived decisions of a God is a pretty foolish way to go through life. But it does allow people to absolve themselves of any responsibility for how their lives turn out while simultaneously making their God into the scapegoat. Oh well. To each his own. "
been there wrote on Jan 2, 2009 11:32 PM:
" In my opinion there isn't anything wrong with the support of family and loved ones when doing our best to be true to ourselves. That is a wonderful help.
I don't agree with the inevitable judgment that goes with absolutes. Believing there is only 'one true way' doesn't offer any consolation or solution when we have refused to get to know ourselves better. "
I don't agree with the inevitable judgment that goes with absolutes. Believing there is only 'one true way' doesn't offer any consolation or solution when we have refused to get to know ourselves better. "
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just lil ol me wrote on Dec 28, 2008 9:26 AM:
And why would PP want this thing to succeed, it might cut into their profit margin on Fridays.
I love how the PP spokesperson assumed that speaking about abstinence means you don't educate about other areas. I know PP does not have a reputation of talking to young men and women about both sides of the sexuality card: abstinence or not, their focus is on having sex and doing it "safe." And their reputation for NOT presenting all the options (adoption and not just abortion) to scared pregnant girls is pretty well known too. "